Personnel File — Employment History
Nobody applied for this job.
The position was created by necessity.
Somewhere around the four hundredth time a man with laser eyes in his profile picture typed “I have never been wrong about a single call,” a nine-foot blue turkey punched in, tightened his wattle, and went to work.
He is not a prophet. He is not an alpha group. He is not going to DM you a link. He is a very large bird in a work uniform with exactly one line in his job description: walk the timeline and gobble down anybody who can do no wrong.
He does not care about your thesis. He does not read the 14-part thread. He clocks in at open, works the feed like a route, and when he finds one — the guy who called the top, the bottom, the rotation, the whole cycle, retroactively, from a deleted account — he opens up and it is over. Gobble. Gobble. Gobble.
He takes no profit. He takes no breaks. He takes lunch, because it is in the contract.
Some nights he goes home hungry. This is not one of those markets.
This market is a buffet. This market has never been wrong in its entire life, and it would love to tell you about it. Which is why, right now, today, at this specific point in the cycle — Dick Gobbler eats VERY good.